Pool Rage

I'm generally a mild-mannered person and like to think of myself as being fairly considerate and thoughtful of others. My motto is 'politeness maketh the person', and will even apologise to inanimate objects if I happen to bump into them.

I thought my consideration extended to Greens Health & Fitness Club, Giffnock, Glasgow , where I've been a member since October, 2007. I use the pool 3 to 4 times a week and really enjoy being in the water and having some relaxation in the steamroom and sauna. There's a nice group of regulars around the time I go and apart from it taking longer to get showered, shampooed and respectable looking before I leave than actually exercising and relaxing, it's generally a pleasurable, harmonious experience.

I swim in the slow lane and am the model of courtesy, making sure I wait in between lengths to allow any faster swimmers close behind me to go ahead.

I therefore found myself initially astonished and then enraged, to be stopped at the far end of the pool by a very young life guard who asked me to try not to splash fellow swimmers.

My routine in the pool, is to kick off underwater and stage submerged, using a back kick, until I run out of breath. The rest of the length is completed swimming the breaststroke, but without using my legs, as I have back problems and the breaststroke scissors kick is no longer an option. I don't batter like mad for these first few metres, but I like to at least use my leg muscles for part of the swim. And no one has ever remarked or complained about it - until now.

I seethingly finished my swim and pool exercises and stretches and marched over to the young man, whom I'd never seen before. I think he realised he'd been guilty of an error of judgement when he saw me storming towards him.

"I hope you didn't think I was being rude," he said, in response to my, "I've never heard such nonsense in all my life - this is a swimming pool, for goodness sake - if people are worried about the occasional splash, they shouldn't be in the water or, like the rest of us, they should get goggles!"

I pointed over to the water, where there was someone in the fast lane doing the butterfly stroke and sending waves of water cascading over the edge of the pool. There were also a couple of people doing the backstroke in the middle and slow lanes using kicks that must have been equally as vigorous as mine.

He apologised, and I stormed off for a shower. As I was going round to fill my water bottle before going into the steamroom, I could see (not that easily, since I had by now removed my 90 percent vision goggles) a yellow shape walking round towards me. He'd obviously realised he'd boobed big time.

He approached me again, and apologised for being rude. I pointed out, quite accurately, that he hadn't been at all rude - just very misguided and it was perhaps due to a swimmer with a problem who had complained. Well actually, he confessed, no one had complained - it was just that he had seen a couple of people appearing wary of being splashed by me. Of course, that nearly set me off again, and he very quickly tried to placate me by saying that he thought my technique in the water was very good and he apologised again.

It took several extra minutes of deep breathing exercises in the steamroom to calm me down and it was comforting to know that my astonishment was shared by a fellow regular.

So, my advice to fellow swimming pool users - expect to be splashed a little and, if it's a problem to you, get a pair of goggles!

It's the little things in life

It's amazing how little discoveries can help make your life less challenging.

I've always been scared of spiders - discovering one in the home and, worst of all, bedroom, has filled me with terror. When I was single and living with my parents, there was a simple solution. I'd call my father, who would get a soft cloth and very carefully gather up the terrifying creature and gently let it out in the garden.

I'm convinced that one of the monsters was actually responsible for me failing my 'O' Level Latin, first time around. I remember waking up very early on the morning of the exam to do some last minute cramming. I'd just started, when a large black object on my bedroom carpet floor caught my eye. Before I could do anything, it scuttled off somewhere in the room. I was incapable of thinking straight and the cramming session was over.

For years, whenever I came across the beasts I was initially rooted to the spot in terror, before dashing for the hoover and attachments. The only way I could attempt to tackle the invaders was by sucking them up into the hoover bag. The trouble was, by the time I was primed and ready, the buggers had often disappeared.

But, all that has changed now. I'm still terrified of spiders and discovering one in my bedroom, especially in the evening, often leads to a sleepless night. But at least I can deal with them, thanks to the Betta Bug Katcha .

As soon as I spot a spider I grab one of the devices (I've got several of them dotted around the flat) and plonk it on top of the little (or nowadays not so little) devil before it's got a chance to leg it out of sight. I'm no longer rooted to the spot, because I know exactly what to do and can take action immediately. True, I do have the occasional accident resulting in a squished spider and once in a while I don't hold the device the right way up and The Prisoner falls out, but I don't feel so terrified by the situation because I can deal with it instantly.

Another source of terror for me, is falling down - the nearest I've come to finding a phobia listing is climacophobia - the fear of falling down stairs. I suppose that must be how it started, because as a child I began having nightmares about not being able to get down the stairs without sitting on the steps and easing myself down. Another fear, was being in a lift and having to secure myself against falling out.

In recent years, the main difficulty faced has been walking on slippy surfaces - even indoors. And if I'm outside in winter, I literally freeze when confronted with an icy pavement or road. Many's a time, I've actually got stuck and not been able to move.

But, again it's one of life's little discoveries that has made a big difference to me. The Yaktrax Ice Gripper Walker , a device that fits easily over the soles of shoes and boots and keeps you on your feet on the ice.

This winter, which continues unabated, the grippers have been an absolute Godsend. When I went to my Health and Fitness Club last week, the car park was totally covered in compacted ice and snow. There's no way I would have got out of the car if it weren't for my Yaktraks. I've been able to venture out on several jaunts that would have been impossible without my faithful friends.

As you can see, life can be improved by discovering little devices that help you cope with some of it's challenges.

I love 'going to the National Theatre' in Glasgow

I'm just back from seeing All's Well That Ends Well ,which was broadcast live from the National Theatre around the world tonight.

I didn't have to go far, as it was on at the Glasgow Film Theatre. It's the 2nd live broadcast, following on from Phedre and was equally impressive and enjoyable. You still get the sense of live theatre, but somehow it's extra special as the cameras can get in close and the sound quality is superb.

Mind you, it was touch and go at the beginning tonight. It was okay when Alex Jennings was interviewing Nicholas Hytner (both contributors to We Could Possibly Comment - Ian Richardson Remembered) but when they did some backstage interviews, the sound suddenly developed a pronounced echo. And when the play started there were a couple of minor glitches and then it settled down.

After that, it was pure enjoyment - apart from just before the start of the second half, when Alex Jennings was interviewing the costume director live on stage. Two women behind me decided that they would talk louder than him. I gave them a minute and then turned round and told them that I'd like to hear what was being said. I got a grudging 'sorry', but it did the trick and they shut up.

Must book up for the next broadcast - Nation - in January

A New Blogsite

I've decided to set up a separate blog site, entitled Ian Richardson Remembered, which will focus on Ian, the book, and his career and have published the first blog on the new site.

Storm in a G Cup will still be used for other Blogs (such as information on writers' Teddy Bear picnics and other aspects of life in all its rich tapestry.

Launch No 2 for We Could Possibly Comment - Ian Richardson Remembered

This morning I had my second book launch, at a charity coffee morning within the Jewish community in Glasgow. There was a really good attendance and I had to speak as loud as I could without deafening the people listening right in front of me whilst trying to reach the overflow audience outside the room in which I was giving my talk. Not surprisingly, I was rather hoarse for the rest of the day. Methinks a hot toddy is called for!

As part of my talk, I did a reading from the book, in which I described spending time on the set of Murder Rooms: The Dark Beginnings of Sherlock Holmes , which was largely filmed in Glasgow. It was somewhat serendipitous, as I noticed the day before, when reading next weeks' Radio Times, that the drama is being shown on BBC4 this coming Saturday at 9.05pm.

With a cast that included Robin Laing as Arthur Conan Doyle, Charles Dance and Dolly Wells, I thoroughly recommend seeing it.

Waterstone's Launch - Ian Richardson Remembered

That was the Launch, that was. Last night in Waterstone's, Argyle Street, Glasgow, more than 60 people turned up to the first launch of We Could Possibly Comment, Ian Richardson Remembered.

After some initial hiccups - like Waterstone's central hub not sending the books in time to the branch who had to borrow some of mine, and the branch being understaffed and things running a bit late (fortunately, the bottles of wine I had brought had screw tops, which was just as well, because there was a major corkscrew failure), things seemed to go swimmingly. And a fair number of books were purchased too.

So, many thanks to Will, the Events Manager, who worked like a Trojan, Leonard Esakowitz, who took lots of great photos, Margaret Thomson Davis for the lovely introduction, Mary Brown and Morag McPherson for their assistance, and every single person who took the time to come along - with special mention to Denise Chambers and Jane Murray who came through from Edinburgh.

Oh, and I rather enjoyed giving the talk too.

All photos by Leonard Esakowitz 2009

Ian Richardson Remembered - the Launch Approacheth

The first book launch for We Could Possibly Comment - Ian Richardson Remembered is being held this Thursday, 17th September, in Waterstone's, 174 - 176 Argyle Street, Glasgow, at 6.30pm.

I suppose it's quite a momentous step in the career of a fledgling author - the first launch for a first book. I'm hoping that I don't get too many of the junior/senior moments I've been having lately and forget where I am, what I'm meant to be saying, or who everybody I should know is. Memory loss isn't really an embarassment when the people in question are having the same difficulties. Just hope that younger people who haven't got to that stage yet will understand.

The books still haven't arrived at Waterstone's - though they have been promised - so I will need to take a couple of boxes along in the car in case of emergency. A book launch without books would be a bit of a disaster! There should just about be enough room in the boot for them, along with the wine. Since I'll be driving, I will steer clear of the wine (shame) but might just have a sip of medicinal brandy beforehand.

I'm kind of looking forward to the event - especially to see a number of people I haven't bumped into for quite a while.

Will try to do Ian proud.